Daughtryfied
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 2234
Phoenix, Arizona
United States
Thursday, January 24, 2008 - 5:41pm
Funny Stuff
I thought I would start a Forum where people can share jokes...
I will Start
The Fishing Trip
A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to a big department store looking for a job. The manager says, 'Do you have any sales experience ?' The kid says, 'Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Texas.' Well, the boss liked the kid, so he gave him the job. 'You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did.' His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. 'How many sales did you make today ?' The kid says, 'One.' The boss says, 'Just one ? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for ?' The kid says, '$101,237.64.' The boss says, '$101,237.64 ? What did you sell ?' The kid says, 'First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing, and he said down at the coast, so I told him he was gonna need a boat, so we went down to the boat department, and I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him a SUV.' The boss said, 'A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and truck ?' The kid says, 'No, he came in here to buy a box of Tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Well, since your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing.''
Feel free to drop a joke or a funny picture, a funny memory or just something stupid... Just to help sad or upset or bothered people cheer up ...
SMILE IT CONFUSES PEOPLE...
BE 
Replies for this Forum topic
A woman tells her husband why don’t you ever take me anywhere expensive... the man replies you want me to take you somewhere expensive... lets go. She says ok. They get in the car and he drives her to the local gas station and leaves her there... lol...
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~*~PLEDGE MAMMA #10 ~*~
LOL! Ha i laughed out loud at that one!
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~*~ Pledge Mamma #26 ~*~ ~~**DAUGHTRYFIED 4 LIFE**~~
**VDF**
** Check out www.sqpn.com **
"Stay Real" -- JP
~Yippee-kai-yay~
A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, "Martha, pack up
your things. I just won the California lottery!"
Martha replies, "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?"
The man responds, "I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the
house by noon!"
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Sheila
That was freakin funny... LMAO
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Sheila
2 funny I know I was laughing thanks for the contibution
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~*~PLEDGE MAMMA #10 ~*~
a man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. he breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. he orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair.while tying the girl to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. while he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! he probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. i saw how he kissed your neck. if he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. this guy is probably very dangerous. if he gets angry, he'll kill us. be strong, honey. i
love you." to which the wife responds: "he wasn't kissing my neck. he was whispering in my ear. he told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we had any vaseline. i told him it was in the bathroom. be strong, honey. i love you too!"
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~*~PLEDGE MAMMA #10 ~*~
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice, says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"
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VDF
This is the first time I have seen this thread: My contribution: Loved your joke
HIS and HERS Road Trip
HERS:
Pulls off at wrong exit.
opens window
asks directions of a knowledgeable police officer
Arrives at destination presently.
HIS:
Pulls off at wrong exit absolutely positive it's the correct one.
Drives five miles into wilderness, still thinks he's right.
Drives an extra 5 miles just in case.
Finally rolls down window just to get fresh air
Pulls up to a 7 -11
Gets three hot-dogs, a large slurpee, and beef jerky
Asks person behind counter how to get back onto the highway.
Gets back into car.
Laughs at the idea of looking at a map as he pulls away from the 7-11.
Drives down a dirt road with no street lights insisting this is the way back because guy from 7-11 said it was.
Almost hits a deer
Curses the night
Curses you
Curses the large slurpee
Drives and fiddles with radio.
Yells at you for suggesting the map again
Admits he didn't want to go to Thanksgiving at your sister's anyway.
He hates your sister.
Ever since she called him a pernicious weasel
He had to look up pernicious.
Couldn't find a dictionary.
Finally found a dictionary
Couldn't spell pernicious.
Seethes at the memory of it all
But she is laughing inside...
And of course you're still lost.
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Sheila
now THAT was a good one
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PUTTING HER AFFAIRS IN ORDER
A woman went to her doctor. The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, 'I have some bad news. You have cancer, and you'd best put your affairs in order.'
The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into the waiting room where her daughter had been waiting. 'Well daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't well. I have cancer. Let's head to the club and have a margarita.' After 3 or 4 margarita's, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more margaritas.
They were eventually approached by some of the woman's old friends, who were curious as to what the two were celebrating. The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end. 'I've been diagnosed with AIDS.'
The friends were aghast and gave the woman their condolences. After the friends left, the woman's daughte r leaned over and whispered, 'Mom, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told your friends you were dying of AIDS.'
The woman said, 'I don't want any of those b****es sleeping with your father after I'm gone.'
Hell yes women are evil.....
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~*~PLEDGE MAMMA #10 ~*~
You definitely put a smile on my face and made me laugh! I needed that!
--
Rocked with Daughtry 12-8-2007 in Reading, PA & Philly 3-2-2008.
Upcoming 8-27-2008 Cant come soon enough!
**VDF**
~*~Pledge Mamma # 31 ~*~
Heather
to laugh a bit today
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~*~PLEDGE MAMMA #10 ~*~
AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES
1. If you're choking on an ice cube simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.
2. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold while you chop.
3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you'll be afraid to cough.
7. You only need two tools in life - WD- 40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
8. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
9. If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.
Daily Thought: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES. NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS
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~*~PLEDGE MAMMA #10 ~*~
How can you tell when you are too drunk to drive? When you swerve to miss the tree and realize its your airfreshner
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~*~PLEDGE MAMMA #10 ~*~
Haha thats a good one!!! Iwould tell a joke but im not really good with jokes I dont really know any good ones.
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<3 Daughtry
Rocked out with Daughtry on Aug.17th 2007
that's one way to tell! And very accurate!
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~*^~PLEDGE MAMMA #14~*^~
A Woman walks into the kitchen and she finds her husband Stalking around with a fly swatter... she asks what are you doing... He says ... hunting files... She asks did you kill any ... He says Yep 3 males and 2 females.. Intrigued she asks how do you know that ... He says 3 were on the beer can and 2 were on the phone...
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~*~PLEDGE MAMMA #10 ~*~
thats one hell of a good salesperson....good one sanmiguel, .
I already shared this one with others... but I thought I would drop it in here...
I got a new radio I say rock it plays DAUGHTRY I say rap it plays rap Then to kids ran in front of my car and I said f***een kids and it played Michael Jackson...
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~*~PLEDGE MAMMA #10 ~*~
That guy is histerical!
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~*^~PLEDGE MAMMA #14~*^~
I'd hire that guy in a heart beat
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SHAWNA
'Girl can't help it'
DAUGHTRY Encounters:
January 28, 2007 - House of Blues - Anaheim, CA (Front Row!)
February 8, 2007 - The Boardwalk - Sacramento/Orangevale, CA
September 1, 2007 - Oregon State Fair - Salem, OR