~ Need a Laugh ~ Share a Funny ~
Since the boys are on some down time with their families!
I thought it would be neat to share some laughter and have a pick me up or a ROTFLMAO with some funnies!
~ So Come To Our Party & May the Laughs Begin! ~
Luv,
Marsh
Replies (346)
"What did you do all day?"
A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog.
Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.
He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.
As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, 'What happened here today?' She again smiled and answered, 'You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world I do all day?' 'Yes,' was his incredulous reply. She answered, 'Well, today I didn't do it.'
Consumed
Buying a Bathing Suit (by an unknown middle-age woman)
When I was a child in the 1950s, the bathing suit for the mature figure was boned, trussed and reinforced, not so much sewn as engineered. They were built to hold back and uplift, and they did a good job.
Today's stretch fabrics are designed for the prepubescent girl with a figure carved from a potato chip.
The mature woman has a choice, she can either go up front to the maternity department and try on a floral suit with a skirt, coming away looking like a hippopotamus that escaped from Disney's Fantasia, or she can wander around every run-of-the-mill department store trying to make a sensible choice from what amounts to a designer range of fluorescent rubber bands.
What choice did I have? I wandered around, made my sensible choice and entered the chamber of horrors known as the fitting room. The first thing I noticed was the extraordinary tensile strength of the stretch material. The Lycra used in bathing costumes was developed, I believe, by NASA to launch small rockets from a slingshot, which gives the added bonus that if you manage to actually lever yourself into one, you would be protected from shark attacks. Any shark taking a swipe at your passing midriff would immediately suffer whiplash.
I fought my way into the bathing suit, but as I twanged the shoulder strap in place I gasped in horror, my boobs had disappeared!
Eventually, I found one boob cowering under my left armpit. It took a while to find the other. At last I located it flattened beside my seventh rib.
The problem is that modern bathing suits have no bra cups. The mature woman is meant to wear her boobs spread across her chest like a speed bump. I realigned my speed bump and lurched toward the mirror to take a full view assessment.
The bathing suit fit all right, but unfortunately it only fit those bits of me willing to stay inside it. The rest of me oozed out rebelliously from top, bottom and sides. I looked like a lump of Playdoh wearing undersized cling wrap.
As I tried to work out where all those extra bits had come from, the prepubescent sales girl popped her head through the curtain, "Oh, there you are," she said, admiring the bathing suit.
I replied that I wasn't so sure and asked what else she had to show me. I tried on a cream crinkled one that made me look like a lump of masking tape, and a floral two-piece that gave the appearance of an oversized napkin in a serving ring.
I struggled into a pair of leopard-skin bathers with ragged frills and came out looking like Tarzan's Jane, pregnant with triplets and having a rough day.
I tried on a black number with a midriff and looked like a jellyfish in mourning.
I tried on a bright pink suit with such a high cut leg I thought I would have to wax my eyebrows to wear it.
Finally, I found a suit that fit. It was a two-piece affair with a shorts-style bottom and a loose blouse-type top. It was cheap, comfortable, and bulge-friendly, so I bought it. My ridiculous search had a successful outcome, I figured.
When I got it home, I found a label that read, "Material might become transparent in water."
So, if you happen to be on the beach or near any other body of water this year and I'm there too, I'll be the one in cut-off jeans and a T-shirt!
You'd better be laughing or rolling on the floor by this time. Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain, with or without a bathing suit!
Note: Anyone who received this who wears a single digit dress size -
THIS WAS SENT TO YOU IN ERROR, but I hope you got a good chuckle out of it anyway!
Consumed
I'm sure they'll be more than Merry to help ya out! lol
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AUtPKbMwnRo
luv ya,
Marsha
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Consumed
Consumed
but time for a laugh...a smile...
HOW I LEARNED TO MIND MY OWN BUSINESS:
I was walking past the mental hospital the other day.
All the patients were shouting, '13....13....13.'
The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks,
so I looked through to see what was going on.....
Some crazy person poked me in the eye with a stick!
Then they all started shouting '14....14.....14'...
--
**Can we get this back...to how it used to be...**
*Pumped up & ready to Leave This Town*
~~*Gloria*~~
~~*Gloria*~~
I was leafing through one of my hunting catalogs when I found something that made me laugh. "Look," I said to my wife. "What I've always wanted: a camouflage toilet seat."
"Get it," she said. "Then you'll have an excuse for when you miss."
--
**Can we get this back...to how it used to be...**
*Pumped up & ready to Leave This Town*
~~*Gloria*~~
~~*Gloria*~~
I hope this brings a smile to your face! I found the first one on a thread by Emme1983, thanks Emme!
Happy Laughing!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-6VI4LH-f4g
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYHc33Ms_qQ&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wbaGYX4uwBw&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Msr6ujJUsmY&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YuX6K47ax7U&feature=related
luv,
Marsh
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Consumed
Consumed
While attending a convention, three psychiatrists take a walk.
"People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears," one says, "but we have no one to go to with our own problems."
"Since we're all professionals," another suggests, "why don't we hear each other out right now?"
They agreed this is a good idea. The first psychiatrist confesses, "I'm a compulsive shopper and deeply in debt, so I usually overbill my patients as often as I can."
The second admits, "I have a drug problem that's out of control, and I frequently pressure my patients into buying illegal drugs for me."
The third psychiatrist says, "I know it's wrong, but no matter how hard I try, I just can't keep a secret."
Humm! I wonder which one suggested sharing their problems!
luv,
Marsh
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Consumed
Consumed
Actually, I've been away from here myself for a while!
I've been needin some laughter, so I thought I'd dig it back up out of the trenches! lol
Good to see ya, I hope everything is good with you!
luv ya,
Marsh
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Consumed
Consumed
Howdy! It's been a loooong time away and it's great to be back! I do hope that you are all well and blessed.
Luv you!
Thanks Marsh for keeping the thread kicking. It's always been a favourite of mine.
Sheila, what a darling you are - you know why
Big HI to all my friends on this thread and all those i've not met yet...I'll be sure to take time and scroll down to have myself some great laughs.
See you all later.
--
**Can we get this back...to how it used to be...**
*Pumped up & ready to Leave This Town*
~~*Gloria*~~
~~*Gloria*~~
Despite his low opinion of lieutenants, the sergeant kept a respectful tone as he taught us how to bail out of a plane in an emergency.
"Sirs, to open the hatch," he began, "turn this lever to the right, then pull that handle."
"What if we don’t follow that sequence?" a second lieutenant asked.
"Then, sir," said the sergeant patiently, "you hit the hatch handle with a crash axe."
"That’ll open the hatch?"
"No, sir. But it will keep your mind occupied until you crash."
Get It Through E-mail
--
**Can we get this back...to how it used to be...**
*Pumped up & ready to Leave This Town*
~~*Gloria*~~
~~*Gloria*~~
How do you get human resources to remember you? Try pulling some of these actual interview stunts.
Balding applicant abruptly excused himself and returned a few minutes later wearing a hairpiece.
Applicant asked to see the reviewer’s résumé to see if the personnel executive was qualified to interview him.
Applicant phoned his therapist during the interview for advice on answering specific questions.
During the interview, an alarm clock went off in the applicant’s briefcase. He apologized and said he had to leave for another interview.
Applicant challenged the interviewer to arm-wrestle
--
**Can we get this back...to how it used to be...**
*Pumped up & ready to Leave This Town*
~~*Gloria*~~
~~*Gloria*~~
Makin each other smile, laugh & carry on through tough situations!
I thought the brunette funnies were just that, thanks for postin em. I haven't ever heard any before.
I was bustin out laughin cause there's sooo much truth to some of em.
luv ya, sweet gurl, & bring on the funnies!
Marsh
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Consumed
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You took that the wrong way silly I just wanted to post some other stuff for my fellow blonde ladies...lol I thought it was funny not offended at all! I was laughing the whole time reading them.. Girl you should know me a little better than that!
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HUGS, LOVE and GOD Bless!"
HUGS, LOVE and GOD Bless!"
After being married for 40 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 40 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old gal.
Now I have a $500,000 home, a $45,000 car, nice big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 65-year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things."
My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25-year-old gal, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.
Women really know how to solve your mid-life crisis.
luv ya,
Marsh
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Consumed
Consumed
Grandpa was always going on about the good old days, and the lower cost of living, in particular.
"When I was a kid, my mom could send me to the store, and I'd get a salami, two pints of milk, 6 oranges, 2 loaves o' bread, a magazine, and some new blue jeans... all for a dollar!!"
Then Grandpa said sadly, "You can't DO that anymore..... they got those darn video cameras everywhere you look."
luv ya,
Marsh
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Consumed
Consumed
I'm sorry, and want to apologize to all the blondes I have offended.
Lisa ~ those were some good funnies ~ except for the ~
Q. Why are brunettes so proud of their hair?
A. It matches their mustache!
NOT! I hate mine! It's gotta go! lol
luv ya, and thanks for the laughs,
Marsh
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Consumed
Consumed
A Russian, an American, and a Brunette were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Brunette said, "So what, we’re going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can’t land on the sun, you idiot! You’ll burn up!" said the Russian.
To which the Brunette replied, "We’re not stupid, you know. We’re going at night!"
Q. How do you get a redhead to argue with you?
A. Say something
Q. How do you get a redhead's mood to change?
A. Wait 10 seconds
Q. If you love a Redhead, set her free
A. If she follows you everywhere you go
Pitches a tent in your front lawn and puts your new girlfriend in the hospital
She's yours
Q. What's safer, a redhead or a piranha?
A. The piranha. They only attack in schools
Q. How do you know a guy at the beach has a redhead for a girlfriend?
A. She has scratched "stay off MY TURF!" on his back with her nails
Q. What do you call a Redhead with an attitude?
A. Normal
Q. What does a redhead, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
A. Men always miss them
Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A. A redhead!
Q. How do you know when your redhead has forgiven you?
A. She stops washing your clothes in the toilet bowl
Q. How do you know when a redhead has been using a computer?
A. There's a hammer embedded in the monitor
Q. What's safer: a redhead or a piranha?
A. The piranha. They only attack in schools
Q. How do you know when you've satisfied a redhead?
A. She unties you
Only two things are necessary to keep a redhead happy
One is to let her think she is having her own way
The other is to let her have it
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HUGS, LOVE and GOD Bless!"
HUGS, LOVE and GOD Bless!"
Although I must say I am loving all the jokes!
There was a competition to swim from Santa Monica to Catalina
Doing only the breaststroke
The only three women who entered the race were a Brunette
A Redhead and a Blonde
After approximately 14 hours, the Blonde staggered up on the shore
She was declared the fastest breaststroker
About 40 minutes later, the Redhead crawled declared the second place finisher
Nearly 4 hours after that, the Brunette finally came ashore
And promptly collapsed in front of the worried onlookers
When the reporters asked why it took her so long to complete the race
She replied
"I don't want to sound like I'm a sore loser
But I think those two other girls were using their arms"
The brunette had been married about a year
One day the she came running up to her husband, jumping for joy
He didn't know how to react
So he started jumping up and down along with her
"Why are we so happy?" he asked
She said, "Honey, I have some really great news for you!"
"Great" he said, "tell me what you're so happy about"
She stopped, breathless from all the jumping up and down
"I'm pregnant!" she gasped
The husband was ecstatic as they had been trying for quite a while
He grabbed her, and kissed her
"Wow, that is wonderful," "I couldn't be happier"
Then she said, "Oh, honey there's more"
"What do you mean more?", he asked
"Well we are not having just one baby, we are going to have TWINS!"
He was amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant
"How do you that," he asked
"It was easy," she said
"I went to the pharmacy and bought the 2 pack home pregnancy test kit"
"Both tests came out positive!"
Q. What's black and blue and brown and laying in a ditch?
A. A brunette who's told too many blonde jokes
Q. What's the real reason a brunette keeps her figure?
A. No one else wants it
Q. What do you call a brunette in a room full of blondes?
A. Invisible
Q. What's a brunette's mating call?
A. "Has the blonde left yet?"
Q. What do brunettes miss most about a great party?
A. The invitation
Q. What do you call a good looking man with a brunette?
A. A hostage
Q. Why are brunettes so proud of their hair?
A. It matches their mustache
Q. Why are most brunettes flatchested?
A. It makes it easier to read their T-shirt
Q. Why do brunettes like their dark hair color?
A. It doesn't show the dirt
Q. Why is brunette considered an evil color?
A. When was the last time you saw a blonde witch?
Q. Why didn't Indians scalp brunettes?
A. The hair from a buffalo's butt was more manageable
Q. Who makes bras for brunettes?
A. Fisher-Price
Q. Is it tru blonds have more fun?
A. No, they have ALL the fun
Q. How can you tell a brunette is lonely?
A. Check her for a pulse
Q. What is the most frustrated animal in the world?
A. A brunette rabbit
Q.Why do brunettes wear training bras?
A. Because it's cheaper than changing their bandaids everyday
Q. What's the difference between a brunette and the trash?
A. At least the trash gets taken out once a week
Q. Why does it take 5 brunettes to change a light bulb ?
A. To help out the blonde that's been tryin' for weeks
Q. What's a brunette that has dyed her hair ?
A. Artificial intelligence
Q. How do you recognize a brunette at the airport?
A. She's the one throwing bread at the airplanes
Q. Why does a brunette have a see-through lunchbox?
A. To know whether she's coming from or going to the office
Q. Why does a brunette have curtains on her PC?
A. To open windows
Q. Why does a brunette throw water on her keyboard?
A. To surf the internet
Q. Why was the first football stadium sketched out on a brunette's chest?
A. Because they needed a level playing field
Q. Why do brunettes put ice in their nose before they go to work?
A. So their lunch won't spoil
Q. How did Revlon come up with it's brunette hair color?
A. By studying what oil spills did to seaweed
Q. Why can't brunettes `tease' their hair?
A. Because it's not funny
Q. How can a brunette get lost in a crowd of three?
A. It's easy... if one-third of the crowd is blonde
What do you call a brunette who gets a call on Saturday night?
... Startled!
--
HUGS, LOVE and GOD Bless!"
HUGS, LOVE and GOD Bless!"
A blonde goes into a music store and asks the guy who works there where the country music CD's are.
The salesman replies, "Try the other side."
So the blonde moves to his other ear and says, "Where are the country music CD's?"
--------
How do you know a blonde's having a bad day?
Her tampon's behind her ear and she can't find her pencil.
--------
What's brown and black and blue all over?
A brunette telling too many blonde jokes!
Consumed
That was a good one...
--
Sheila
Sheila
Football FINALLY makes sense..........
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.
'Oh, I really liked it,' she replied, 'especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.'
Dumbfounded, her date asked, 'What do you mean?'
'Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents.
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siempre por siempre <3 te necesito
Bre
"So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring it's own worries.
Today's trouble is enough for today."
Matthew 6:34
BOB & THE BLONDE
Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. He sat
down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.
The 10 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story of a
man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"
Bob said, "You know, I bet he'll jump."
The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."
Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You're on!"
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did
a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.
The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob, saying,
"Fair's fair. Here's your money."
Bob replied, "I can't take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 PM
news, and so I knew he would jump."
The blonde replied, "I did too, but didn't think he'd do it again."
Bob took the money...
--
Sheila
Sheila
A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.
Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, he sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.
The woman's husband also comes home.
She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.
The little boy says, 'Dark in here.'
The man says, 'Yes, it is.'
Boy: 'I have a baseball.'
Man: 'That's nice'
Boy: 'Want to buy it?'
Man: 'No, thanks.'
Boy: 'My Dad's outside.'
Man: 'OK, how much?'
Boy: '$250'
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.
Boy: 'Dark in here.'
Man: 'Yes, it is.'
Boy: 'I have a baseball glove.'
The lover, remembering the last time,
asks the boy, How much?'
Boy: '$750'
Man: 'Sold.'
A few days later, the Dad says to the boy , 'Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch.'
The boy says, 'I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove.'
The Dad asks, 'How much did you sell them for?'
Boy: '$1,000'
The Dad says, 'That's terrible to over charge your friends like that...that is way more than those two things cost. I'm taking you to church, to confession.'
They go to the church and the Dad makes the little boy sit in the confessional booth and closes the door.
The boy says, 'Dark in here.'
The priest says, 'Don't start that crap again; you're in my closet now.'
--
Sheila
Sheila
That last wife was def from TEXAS! lol "Huh, I don't think so!" lol
I like the Garbage Truck ~ Insight ~ you should post it on the ~ We All Need A Tree Like This! ~ Thread!
luv ya,
Marsh
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Consumed
Consumed
--
Sheila
Sheila
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Sheila
Sheila
One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport.
We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped
out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed
on his brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches!
The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling
at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean, he was
really friendly. So I asked, 'Why did you just do that? This
guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!' This is when my
taxi driver taught me what I now call, 'The Law of the Garbage Truck.'
He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They
run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and
full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a
place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you. Don't take it
personally.
Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Don't
take their garbage
and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the
streets.
The bottom line is that successful people do not let
garbage trucks take
over their day. Life's too short to wake up in the
morning with regrets,
so...Love the people who treat you right. Pray for the ones
who don't.
Life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how
you take it!
Have great, garbage-free day!
I know this is not a joke but it has a powerful message....
--
Sheila
Sheila
>
> Three men married wives from different states.
>
> The first man married a woman from California. He told her that she was to
> do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days but on the third
> day, he came home to see a clean house and the dishes washed and put away.
>
> The second man married a woman from New York. He gave his wife orders that
> she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he
> didn't see any results but the next day he saw it was better. By the third
> day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge
> dinner on the table.
>
> The third man married a girl from TEXAS. He ordered her to keep the house
> cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the
> table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the
> second day he didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling
> had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye and his arm was
> healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.
>
Marsh where you at girlie.........
>
--
Sheila
Sheila
--
**Be careful what you wish for coz you just might get it all**
~~It's good to be alive!~~
~~*Gloria*~~
~~*Gloria*~~
Welcome back we have missed you alot honey.... WOO HOO
--
Sheila
Sheila
Here's a couple of pics that will make you smile
It's always good to be fore-warned, don't you think?
--
**Be careful what you wish for coz you just might get it all**
~~It's good to be alive!~~
~~*Gloria*~~
~~*Gloria*~~
Gloria ~ I was wondering where you had gotten off to!
Too funny, now that's what I call Optimism! lol
Not so much for us though! lol
Glad to see you're back! I pray all is well!
luv,
Marsh
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Consumed
Consumed
Sheila & Marsh...looks like I'm back!! YAY! and I'm real glad to see that you have been keeping this laughter thread kicking! I missed you guys like crazy! I will hang around for a while to see if there are any newbies who have been keeping you company. Hope you are all well & that Marsh you have now recovered.
See y'all later. Hope you enjoy this one...
Seen on a marquee outside the Clinton Correctional Facility, a maximum security prison in Dannemora, New York: The Dannemora fire department reminds you it's fire prevention week. Practice your escape plan."
--
**Be careful what you wish for coz you just might get it all**
~~It's good to be alive!~~
~~*Gloria*~~
~~*Gloria*~~
--
Sheila
Sheila
besides we like to laugh! It sure is nice to know I'm not the only one on here with a warped sence of humor! lol
luv ya, little lady, and keep em' comin'!
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Consumed
Consumed
When I got that joke I was laughing out loud in my office I know folks around were like "OMG there she goes again"... LOL
--
Sheila
Sheila
Sheila I can't believe you would make someone with a bladder infection laugh so hard that she cried!
NOW THAT WAS FUNNY! THANKS, I actually need a good laugh!
Big Hugs!
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Consumed
Consumed
A young boy went up to his father and asked him, 'Dad, what is the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?'
The father thought for a moment, then answered, 'Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars.
Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars.
Come back and tell me what you learn from that.'
So the boy went to his mother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'
The mother replied, 'Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!'
The boy then went to his sister and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'
The girl replied, 'Oh my Gawd! I LOVE Brad Pitt I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?'
The boy then went to his brother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'
'Of course,' the brother replied. 'Do you know what a million bucks would buy?'
The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad.
His father asked him, 'Did you find out the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?' The boy replied,
'Yes, 'Potentially', you and I are sitting on three million dollars.
But 'realistically', we're living with two hookers and a queer.'
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Sheila
Sheila
(Well, not Necessarily, they don't have to be rich and I like mine a little strong sometimes! There's nothing like a good JOLT in the mornin's or anytime for that matter!) lol
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Consumed
Consumed
luv,
Marsh
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Consumed
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Sheila
Sheila
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Consumed
Consumed
and here we are chasing the boys... LOL
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Sheila
Sheila
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Consumed
Consumed
ROTF LMAO
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Sheila
Sheila
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Consumed
Consumed
I love memaw but ~
Why is it, when we do the slightest thing wrong, all hell breaks loose, but if their sweet son does, it no big thang, we're blowin' it out of proportion and we're the ones who get the blame!
Sorry, I just don't get it, but watch me turn out to be the same way with my son! My life is a joke sometimes! lol
luv,
Marsh
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Consumed
Consumed
Q: Do you know why Adam and Eve had the perfect marriage?
A: He didn't have to listen to her talk about all the other men she COULD have married, and she didn't have to put up with his mother!
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Sheila
Sheila
BLONDE JOKES
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?"
The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ???
CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?
SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."
AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed;
likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?
"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."
"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."
KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
The American said, "W e were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"
IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacume and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"HELLLOOOOOOO.......," answered the blonde "They're watch dogs!"
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Sheila
Sheila
I figured he was gonna say that he was hopin someone would resuscitate it and bring it back to life! lol
Here's some more sad little funnies ~
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, 'Why is the bride dressed in white?''
The mother replied, 'Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life.'
The child thought about this for a moment then said, 'So why is the groom wearing black?'
~~~~~
A police recruit was asked during his exam, 'What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?'
He answered, 'Call for backup.'
I know that's right!!!
Thanks for keepin' me smilin' little lady!!!
luv,
Marsh
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Consumed
Consumed